Husband banned from Target

Another friend sent this one to me today.  I'm received something similar but it always cracks me up. 

Husband banned from Target



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

Random Thoughts for the Day

One of my favorite friends forwarded this to me in email today.  I thought I'd share.

Random Thoughts for the Day:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more tn that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day " Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

I hope she'll always remember

As a child I only camped a handful of times. I love that my kids get to camp multiple times a year. It's a great family activity. My oldest learned to ride her bike on a camping trip w/out training wheels.  She'll remember that forever.

On Sunday the girls and I left the house around 9:45am. It was a brisk clear morning around 50 degrees F.  A neighbor 2 doors down had a fire burning in their fireplace.  You know that smell a fireplace makes from burning wood?  I love that smell. When we camp I love that smell. 

Paula walks outside to get into the car and she stops in the driveway, tilts her head up saying "Ah, it smells like camping........it smells like camping."   

I love how she knows that smell. 

It ain't shorts weather no more

Last night I attended a school board meeting right after work. My kids attend a private school where they wear uniforms.  One of the benefits to kids when their parents attend school meetings is they get free dress the next day. That's huge to uniform kids I'm tellin ya.  So I call hubby requesting he inform the girls they get free dress tomorrow and could they please pick out their outfits tonight.  Free dress mornings can get quite hectic and I thank gawd all the time I have 2 girls in uniforms.  Oh the Drama! 

So I get home last night after they're in bed (hence the phone request) make their lunches, etc and settle in for the night.  A few couple of glasses later I hit the hay. 

Mornings comes way too damn early. 

I go into small childs room to wake her up and notice she's chosen shorts for her free dress outfit.  Um, it's been in the 30's at night and doesn't get out of the 60's during the day.  Granted, this child is impervious to the cold, but as a parent who knows only to well how the school staff and other parents will frown on my parenting skills, I must insist she choose pants. I do have a facade reputation to keep up you know

How do you think that went over?  Yeah. 

Shawna cries NO!  I want shorts! 

You can't wear shorts Shawna. It's winter time and way too cold for shorts. 

I want shorts!

I'm throwing out pants ideas and she ain't buying it. 

Then I remember I purchased some used pants in her size off ebay. I had them in the laundry room to wash before I gave them to her but we had an emergency situation here. I dismissed the fact there might be invsisible germs anything to worry about and ran downstairs to retrieve them. They're cute with flowers or shells down the leg. 

Shawna, do you want to wear these new used jeans I got you? 

YES! 

Problem averted. 

Damn I'm good. 

Impressions

I recently left a comment on another bloggers post. This very likable person is being told she's intimidating and not approachable, when she herself feels she's the complete opposite. What makes someone think your one way or another way? 

This was my comment about myself:

I think it depends on where I am and what's on my mind at the time that gives a person an impression of me.

My husband says I carry a "mean mug" on my face. I've known people all my life who said when they first met me they thought I was a bitch. There are times I'm in deep thought or not in the mood to socialize. It must show on my face.

Yet, I am approached ALL the time in places because apparently I look like someone who is willing to help or give guidance or give directions. I'm also very willing and do chat it up with strangers. I will try to make someone who looks uncomfortable, more comfortable by smiling at them and engaging them. Not all the time mind you, just when I'm in that frame of mind.

I am considered by many a social butterfly at work. Very bubbly and silly. I can also be serious and stern.

I don't think I'm any one type of person. And I don't know how I could change who I am either. It's just naturally me.

November 2009 Mt. Madonna

I've updated my blog to be able to post bigger pictures. I'm still playing around with the template and formats so it may continue to change. Thanks for being patient.

This past weekend my family, friends and I ventured once again to Mount Madonna Park here in N. California. It's near Gilroy (for you garlic lovers). Gilroy is the garlic capital. Yes it is. The air even smells like garlic for miles and miles during harvest months.

We have a travel trailer so we tend to camp year round. This past weekend we lucked out with crisp but clear weather. We had some rain last year but afterall, it is November.  My oldest daughter, Paula, brought along her BFF from school. Our friends, who we often camp with, came along with their 1 daughter. (and a teenage son too but he kept a low profile) The 4 girls together worked out great. 3 girls tends to lead to arguments. My girls fight over the 3rd child because they want all her attention.  It's annoying. 

This is poor Rosie feeling captive

 

The girls found a log for the fire. uh huh.

This was the backside of our trailer where most of the "camping" occurred. J.D, Haley's dad, is leading them in a dance routine from the MP3 player.  Step to the right (clap clap) Step to the left (clap clap)

4 little monkeys sitting in a tree

We went on a serious hike. 1.5 miles was down hill but then 1.5 miles was up hill. OMG we were all so tired. Our legs hurt from climbing but it was worth it in the end. Rosie was off leash the entire time and loved being able to run free. (Born free.......can't you hear it?)

We saw banana slugs on our hike. They're super fun looking. I held a couple of them.  Two of the girls would touch them.  Kind of looks like a used condom. 

See. Take a look at the slope of this path. STEEP people. I'm the one in the far back. I wasn't there the entire time.  We all sort of rotated.  In the end though I was carrying several sweatshirts and a bag Paula's friend brought with a heavy binder full of paper. Because you never know when you'll want to write something amazing on a long hike.

We had excitement on our camping trip. Well, I didn't. I was taking a nap. But when Todd and JD went to fetch firewood (because the long log just wasn't gonna work) they were told the road was closed due to a car fire. Luckily we weren't being evacuated. No one was hurt and thankfully the fire didn't spread to the trees. Todd ran down the path to take pictures. I think the car is totalled. 

 

The girls get in some hula hoopin' time. And yes, Shawna is digging into her shirt for reasons I don't know. Look how non-chalant Paula is with her arms crossed.  

There are White Fallow Deer kept in a pen at the rangers station. I took the girls there (because they were driving us nuts so I wanted them to do something other than drive us all crazy)  We fed them grass but then later read the info board and saw we shouldn't feed them. Oops.  Below is a beautiful buck posing nicely for me. 

Shawna stands in front of the doe. One licked her hand. She was soo thrilled.

About the deer.

My sweet Paula picking grass for the deer. (shhh)

Thanks for looking! I have some fun videos to put on here, but I'm lame so that might take me awhile (years). Check back because it might be here someday.

My oldest has braces

Today my oldest achieved a major milestone. She got braces and couldn't be happier. I don't know what is up with kids these days. They WANT glasses and WANT braces. As a child I HAD glasses and HAD braces but never wanted either. Of course the color choices back in the stone age didn't measure up to today's wide array of colors. Paula has 2 shades of purple ties.