whaaaat?!

I didn't get the wine and spirits job.  I found out last Thursday via a generic email.  I also don't think I got the temporary semi-conductor job either since I haven't heard back. I did check out the other guys resume' on linkedin and it did list some things mine didn't so I copied them onto mine for future jobs.

Sooo, I'm back to square one. 

I'm also anxious to start my new life as unemployed but with a severance so I can lay around and do nothing for a few days.  I did take a mental health day on Friday because I was pretty bummed about my current status in life.  Not getting chosen doesn't do much for the ego if you know what I'm talking about. 

Lastly, there is a really funny and popular blogger called the thebloggess.  She recently wrote a post that makes me laugh every time I read it, and I've read it several times today.  If you want a good belly laugh check her out.    I linked directly to the post.  Funnay!  I mostly laugh when I see the chicken at the front door.  hahahahahahaaha

Fun School Day's

This week is Catholic Schools Week where if you go to a Catholic school many do theme days all week. 

At our school each grade chooses their own theme, they decorate their door and dress up in the theme on one day.  Yesterday was THAT day.  2nd grade was PJ's and 4th grade choose zoo animals.  Shawna's was easy. Paula's I had to shop around a bit. 

Today was Blow Your Top Day. The kids can decorate their body from the neck up. I braided the girls hair last night after their showers so today their hair would be puffy and frizzy. We put in a pony tail high on thier head (for Paula) and sprayed red and purple hair color in a alternating pattern.

Fun! 

Husband banned from Target

Another friend sent this one to me today.  I'm received something similar but it always cracks me up. 

Husband banned from Target



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

Random Thoughts for the Day

One of my favorite friends forwarded this to me in email today.  I thought I'd share.

Random Thoughts for the Day:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more tn that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day " Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

I Heard a herd of cows

Today the rancher, who owns the cows on our hills, decide to move the cows to a new location. Normally the cows are very quiet. You'll hear an occasional Moo of course, but today those cows wanted to be heard! It was non-stop mooing for a full hour at least as they made their way across the hill.

There was one time several years ago that a cow behind our house became stuck. He must have fallen into a ravine and literally couldn't get unstuck. He was so noisy. Finally a helicopter actually came to get him out.

When we moved into our house in 2004, there was a house across our street that I refer to as the "Ugly Brown House". A year or more ago she finally put some money into a new roof and removed the horrible brown siding. She also has a pool that I'm told the city brought her fish that eat mosquito's because she refused to properly care for the pool. We've joked that a bull or cow is drowned in her pool and you'll never know it because of how nasty it is.

Her backyard opens up to one of the hills where the cows roam. (I have hills on 3 sides of me.) Next to her house lives our other neighbor who I'll call House is Never Done. House is Never Done has spent a fortune for the past several years to turn his plain house into a french cottage. I must admit, it's very nice, inside and out. I certainly appreciate the work he's had contractors put into it, but it seems as if he's never satisfied and it may never be finished.

Well, one day several years ago, Todd was at House is Never Done's house with Paula when they realized there was a cow in the Ugly Brown House backyard. Todd lifted Paula up over the fence and she was staring straight into the face of a black Angus bull. Holy Cow! (pun intended!) Ugly Brown House may have closed in her fence by now. She's an odd duck that one.

I'll leave you with the below joke I found online.

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.
"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

Saw something shiny

My youngest child, Shawna, is 6.5 years old. My oldest child, Paula, is 8 years old. Paula is very organized and methodical. Her room is usually tidy and she can usually find her things even if under clutter. She does get distracted but not like her younger sibling. When you tell Paula to do something she will complete the said act in a reasonable amount of time. When you tell Shawna to do something, more than likely it won't get done. Shawna starts out with the intention to do said act, but she easily gets distracted. We joke that she'll see something shiny that takes her attention away.

This morning, for example, I helped her get dressed (because if I don't it doesn't happen) and walked her into the bathroom where all she had to do is brush her teeth. I go back into my room to fix my hair that is not cooperating at all. 5 minutes later she still hasn't brushed her teeth. I remind her again to hurry up and brush her teeth. I go downstairs to pop their breakfast of a chocolate chip waffle into the toaster oven, because I'm very Martha Stewart that way, and 5 more minutes go by. Still no Shawna.

Shawna! Hurry up!

She has a small mouth people. She hasn't lost 1 single baby tooth. What is she doing up there?!

Finally she comes down. Now we have to get her shoes on. Where are her shoes? They're not in the shoe room next to the kitchen like they're supposed to be. They're upstairs. Gah! So she runs upstairs to get them. 2 minutes pass.

Shawna! Hurry up!

She brings down the shoes but now we're so late she has to put them on in the car. This is a typical morning in my house. If you do not shuffle behind Shawna ensuring that each task gets accomplished, minutes turn into hours and the act does not get completed.


Do you have a child like this??

It's been awhile since I shared pictures.

Paula on 4th of July for the bike parade. She came in 1st place for her age group.

This is Shawna. She too came in 1st place for her age group. Their dad does a fine job of decorating!

Funny Kids

Today I had to pay my 5 year old 1 cent for a kiss on the cheek. My 5 year old is my snugly, cuddly child who on most days tries to get back into my womb. But for some reason at school drop off she has no desire to be kissed or hugs.

In contrast, my 7 year old on a regular basis is not a snugly, cuddly child. She doesn't do kisses on the lips, unlike my 5 year old. If she does their tight lipped kisses. She turns her head most times so you get a cheek. But at school drop off she gives me kisses, waves and blows kisses to me while walking to the quad area. If I say bye to Shawna whiles she's walking into the school, she continues to look ahead and just pops her hand up over her shoulder just to pacify me.

Such funny kids.

One day, long, long ago.....

One day, long, long ago.......
there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But this was a long time ago.......and it was just that one day.

The End