Thursday, August 28, 2008

Happy Thursday

Shawna came down with a fever of 102 on Tuesday so she stayed home from school yesterday. Mostly she was fine and annoyed me all day. I sent her to school today and hope she makes it thru w/out any trips to the office where we get a phone call to pick her up.

I have my follow-up mammogram today at 1pm. I'm nervous. I have butterflies in my stomach. My gut is telling me that there is something there and it's not benign. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think I am. I know I should be thinking positive thoughts and all that but I'm not. In fact, on the way to school I was thinking about if I died. I realize there is a very slight chance of that happening even if I am diagnosed with breast cancer, but the mom in me worries about leaving my children. We have plenty of life insurance on me. In fact, so much so that we could pay off our mortgage. That's no small feat here in California where housing prices are insanely high. Financially Todd and the girls would be fine. They would also get my social security check each month. We have great families and friends and an awesome church and school community who would be there for them.

Since I believe in life after death, reincarnation, spirits and souls I'm not afraid of dying, I'm just afraid of leaving my girls. But then I also think there is already a plan for me and them so whatever happens is part of the pre-conceived plan that we all chose before taking our bodies. In a way that makes me feel better.

Of course, all of this worrying could be unnecessary after what we learn today so I'll stop my crazy talk for now. I'll post the results of the appointment later today so stay tuned.

Oh, and when I walked into my building today the front desk gal said something she's never said to me before which was "Happy Thursday". It made me laugh. I'm not feeling happy today yet.

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