Thursday, November 6, 2008

yard duty

Today I was extremely parental. I took off work to do yard duty at my girls school. Who takes off work for that?! Not many people I'm sure. I don't work near the school. I'm 14 miles from it to be exact. So after I left work, I swung into a Burger King and ordered a whopper, 86 the onions and a chocolate shake. The shake is so I won't have to pee during yard duty. A diet soda, my usual choice, will go right thru me. I ate and drove to the school. Parked and located the yard duty sign-in table. I'm a newbie to this yard duty stuff so I was greeted by a parent who knew the ropes.

Sign here, wear this lovely orange net cover over your body so you'll glow in the dark in case the sun goes out, put this heavy plastic zipper pouch over your head with this thin lanyard so it cuts into the back of your neck. In your heavy plastic zipper pouch are 2 laminated, front and back ,instructions in case of emergencies. Read all sides. There are tissues, band-aids, rubber gloves for oozing blood or fluid, and a few other things in your pouch. Also, hold this radio. It's already set on the correct channel.

Now that you're all dressed, go stand around the lunch tables and help children until they're let go for play. Head out to the fields when you see them being released from the tables.

I gave spoons to children who needed them, undid thermos lids which were too tight, helped some boys who were being bugged by Sal. Sal said he wasn't Sal. Nice.
Told Shawna to eat her lunch several times. Told Paula it was okay if she didn't finish all her sandwich. Answered Paula that maybe we'll have a sleepover with her friend K.K, who is sitting next to her. Watched a boy gargle ferociously with orange juice.

When is this eating thing over? I need to get out of here.

Opened up my pouch to read the instructions. Basically call 911 for everything unless your trained in CPR. In case of a stranger the code word is Flash. Yell Flash and the kids will know what to do because they've been trained. In case of an earthquake squat down and cover your head. Watch for debris from trees and wires from poles. Head the children to area 1 after this and that event. Okay. Got it.

Now I'm at the fields. Watch the 8th graders play nicely. Saw two older boys rolling around the grass like they were on fire. Avoided the ball in the head a few times during kick ball and throw the ball anywhere. Listened on my radio for any hot topics like stranger danger. Instead someone wanted to know where the blankety blank was. Someone else said they'd find it after lunch. Watched a girl sitting alone quietly pulling grass. Saw a lot of chaos.

We can't hear the bell out on the fields so over the radio comes "The bell rang, again, the bell rang. Start coming in from the fields".
Yell to the kids who can't hear me anyway. Thankfully the principal had a whistle she blew, only the 8th graders ignored it. That pissed her off.

Watched the kids slowly make their way back to the campus at a snails pace.

Headed to the office to turn in my gear. Walked away from the office forgetting to take off my lovely orange vest. She didn't even notice. Scary.


Jennifer said...

I'm stopping by from SITS! You are below me on the roll call, so I thought I'd check your blog out! I love the pic of your girls on your header and your post made me smile! Have a great weekend!


Kate said...

Hilarious! LOL