Parenting

Yesterday Oprah did a show on the realities of motherhood. The good, the bad and the ugly. What I took away from the show is the fact that I’m allowed to have these feeling of inadequacies. More importantly I plan to blog about them. Lucky you!

The truth is I’m not the mother I thought I’d be. I always wanted children. I’ve always loved and adored babies. Getting pregnant was the happiest day of my life. Having a tiny baby was the next happiest day of my life. In the early years I had to fight my husband to spend the most time with my girls. I was the only one who could give my girls their bath. I needed to spend that time alone with them. I wanted to read my daughter her bedtime story. I loved the baby and toddler stage. Once they hit 4, something happened. I no longer HAD to be the parent who gave them their bath, or read them their bedtime story. I also began dreading the “Mommy, play with me” requests when all I really wanted to do was veg on the couch reading a book, magazine or some silly TV show. Don’t get me wrong, I love my girls. If they’re ill, I’m the one who WANTS to care for them. When I’m relaxing on the couch or bed and they want to come snuggle on me, I’m all over it. I’m just not that mom who enjoys playing with my kids. I love watching them play. I love watching my kids do most anything. But I’m not interested in being in the thick of it so to speak. That came as a surprise. Sort of.

Looking back at my babysitting years I preferred kids under the age of 4 the most. I took care of a 2 year old boy named Alex for one year during 8th grade. After school I’d go to his house where his mom worked swing and his dad days, so there was 2.5 hours Little Alex needed daycare. I’d play baseball w/him in the backyard. I enjoyed taking him to the park. I had fun with him. Once kids got to the age where they wanted to play board games, Go Fish, things like that, I lost interest. I don’t want to play those games. I want to dictate what and how we play. When kids hit 4 they want to dictate. Not only that they talk…a lot! I don’t enjoy coordinating crafts, I don’t enjoy being in a room full of energetic youngsters. Does that make me a bad mom? In some people’s eyes I’m sure it does.

Another interesting thing I’ve learned about me is I enjoy teenagers. I can relate to teenagers. Of course I’ve only experienced other people’s teenagers so I might have a completely different outlook when I have my own teenagers.

I know I’m not alone. If you’re a similar kind of mom I’d love to know.